The myth of positive thinking: Why it's holding you back

The dangers of toxic positivity

In the world of self-help, "positive thinking" is often heralded as the golden key to happiness and success. But what if this well-intended advice is actually holding us back more than propelling us forward?

This seemingly benign advice may not be as universally beneficial as it appears. In reality, the insistence on maintaining a positive outlook at all times can have unintended negative consequences.

Let's examine the pitfalls of this pervasive self-help mantra and discover why embracing the full spectrum of our emotions can be far more effective.

The pressure to be positive all the time

The pressure to remain constantly upbeat can lead to significant psychological strain.

When people are taught that positive thinking is the cure-all, any deviation from a cheerful demeanor is often viewed as a failure. This creates an exhausting cycle of attempting to suppress negative emotions, which are natural and inevitable aspects of human experience.

By stigmatizing feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger, individuals may feel inadequate when they experience these emotions, leading to feelings of isolation or self-doubt.

Unrealistic expectations

Positive thinking often comes packaged with the promise that if you just stay positive, you can manifest your desires—be it success, health, or relationships.

This ideology leans heavily on the Law of Attraction, which suggests that positive thoughts bring positive outcomes. However, this oversimplification overlooks the complex nature of reality, where outcomes are influenced by a myriad of factors beyond individual control. Achieving results often demands much more than mere positive thinking or visualization.

When the expected positive outcomes don’t materialize, it can lead to disillusionment and a harsh self-critique that one's thinking wasn't "positive enough."

One can also nurture the unrealistic expectation that by staying positive, nothing "bad" can ever happen. This belief encourages a sense of invulnerability that, while comforting, can disconnect individuals from the reality of life's inherent unpredictability. It suggests a false sense of control over external events, leading to potential shock or disillusionment when unfavorable outcomes occur despite a positive mindset.

Moreover, this perspective can prevent people from preparing adequately for challenges or setbacks, hindering their ability to develop resilience and effective coping strategies for when difficulties inevitably arise. Thus, while optimism is valuable, it must be tempered with a practical understanding that life’s complexities often require more than just a positive outlook.

The avoidance of necessary confrontations

A strict adherence to positive thinking can lead to the avoidance of necessary confrontations and difficult situations, which are often essential for personal growth and problem-solving.

For instance, if someone is in a toxic work environment, simply "thinking positively" does not resolve the systemic issues at play.

Confronting the problem directly or seeking actionable solutions is sometimes labeled as negative thinking by staunch advocates of positivity, potentially deterring meaningful change.

If I'm upset about something someone said to me, I should take it as a clue that I either got triggered (and thus need to work on whatever is causing it) or that I need to be assertive with the person to prevent the situation from recurring.

Forcing myself to think positively may turn me into a Pollyanna who refuses to acknowledge when things aren’t alright. Our negative emotions serve a purpose; they are there to tell us something is not okay and that action may be needed.

The benefits of a balanced mindset

Instead of forcing positivity, embracing a balanced mindset that acknowledges the full spectrum of human emotions can be more beneficial. Psychological theories such as emotional agility argue that the ability to navigate one's emotions intelligently and contextually can lead to better outcomes in both personal and professional life. This approach encourages individuals to respond to their emotions with curiosity and openness, rather than judgment and suppression.

An emotionally intelligent person is someone who understands and manages their own emotions effectively, while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others. In fact, the idea behind emotional intelligence is that we become better at processing all emotions, positive and negative, and in turn, our behavior is changed as a result of greater maturity.

This enhanced ability to handle emotions allows us to navigate complex social interactions and difficult personal decisions with more grace and effectiveness. It leads to improved relationships and decision-making processes, as emotionally intelligent individuals are often more adept at conflict resolution and empathetic communication.

Not too hot, not too cold

There's a bit of a misunderstanding when we talk about positive thinking being a "myth" or criticizing it in any way. People tend to rush to the conclusion that the opposite idea is being promoted. “If positive thinking is "not good," then you must be saying that I should nurture negative thoughts”.

However, positive thinking is beneficial, and I'm not (nor is anyone) suggesting that we should wallow in negative emotions like a depressed emo teen.

The thing is that we must allow our negative emotions to surface, acknowledge them, question them, process them, and sometimes even take action as a result.

Life is complex, and a more holistic approach that includes room for "negative" emotions and realistic assessments of one's circumstances can provide a healthier, more sustainable way to cope with life's challenges. By moving beyond the myth of perpetual positivity, we can find greater authenticity and resilience in our lives.