Overcoming Anxiety: Embracing Life Beyond Fear and Control

Let the future be...

Anxiety is a silent thief. It sneaks into the corners of our minds, robbing us of peace and joy, casting a shadow over the brightest moments. For many, this pervasive sense of dread is a constant companion, making even the simplest tasks feel insurmountable.

We can argue that the modern epidemic of anxiety we see today is the result of what evolutionary psychologists call "evolutionary mismatch." We are "wired" to feel anxious as it increases our fitness to survive and reproduce, but the world we live in today is vastly different from the environment in which these natural responses evolved. The result is the constant activation of our stress response system, giving rise to various health issues, both mental and physical.

The disease model of anxiety

Modern psychiatry often employs a disease model to address psychological problems, including anxiety. This model treats mental health issues similarly to physical diseases, focusing on diagnosing specific conditions based on a set of symptoms and treating them with standardized interventions, primarily medication.

The disease model views anxiety disorders as arising from biological dysfunctions, such as imbalances in neurotransmitters, genetic vulnerabilities, or abnormalities in brain structure and function. Although medication can be highly beneficial when prescribed properly and associated with therapy, it can send the wrong message to patients and the general public. Many laypeople are convinced that mental illness is a simple matter of "chemical imbalance" and therefore expect that medication will passively "fix" the problem so they can get on with their lives.

It's not my goal with this post to discuss the chemical imbalance issue (I may do that in another post), but let's just say that, except for extreme cases where significant dysfunction and distress are present, the anxiety people feel is not solely a matter of neurochemistry and should not be concealed by drugs.

Seeing through anxiety

Instead of attempting to mask or eliminate anxiety, a more proactive and effective approach is to truly understand what it is and why we are experiencing it.

Indian philosopher and spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti offered profound insights into the nature of anxiety. He believed that anxiety is deeply intertwined with our attachment to security and the desire for certainty.

According to Krishnamurti, our minds are constantly seeking to avoid pain and uncertainty, leading us to create a false sense of security through beliefs, possessions, and relationships. This pursuit, however, only serves to heighten our anxiety because it is rooted in fear.

Krishnamurti emphasized the importance of understanding the nature of our thoughts and the illusions they create. He argued that true freedom from anxiety comes from a radical shift in our perception—seeing things as they are, without the filters of fear and desire. This involves a deep, introspective process of observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment or attachment.

In this view, anxiety is not something to be eradicated but understood. When we see our anxious thoughts for what they are—projections of a mind seeking security—we can begin to free ourselves from their grip. This clarity allows us to respond to life's challenges with a calm and open mind, rather than one clouded by fear and anticipation.

Letting go

Alan Watts, a philosopher and interpreter of Eastern thought, believed that anxiety arises from our attempt to control the uncontrollable aspects of life. He argued that much of human suffering stems from the illusion of separateness and the constant striving for certainty and control.

Watts emphasized the interconnectedness of all things and suggested that our anxiety is often a result of failing to recognize this fundamental truth. He likened life to a flowing river, where resistance and attempts to control the current only lead to turbulence and distress. In this analogy, anxiety represents the futile effort to stop the river’s flow, whereas peace comes from learning to move with the current.

Central to Watts’ philosophy is the concept of "letting go" and embracing the present moment. He believed that by accepting the impermanent and ever-changing nature of life, we can alleviate much of our anxiety. This involves a shift from a mindset of fear and control to one of trust and openness. Instead of fighting against uncertainty, Watts encouraged us to dance with it, finding joy and meaning in the unpredictability of existence.

Finding inner peace

The 19th-century German philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer, argued that the underlying force of all existence is the "will," a blind and insatiable drive that manifests in all living beings. This will is characterized by perpetual striving, leading to constant desire and, consequently, suffering.

Schopenhauer believed that human life is fundamentally marked by a relentless cycle of want and dissatisfaction. When one desire is fulfilled, another arises, ensuring that we are never truly at peace. This perpetual state of craving and the inevitable frustration it brings are central to Schopenhauer's concept of existential anxiety. He argued that the awareness of this never-ending cycle and the futility of our desires contribute to a deep sense of unease and despair.

In addition to the inherent suffering caused by our desires, Schopenhauer acknowledged the transient nature of happiness and contentment. Any momentary pleasure or satisfaction is fleeting, quickly replaced by new needs and wants. This realization exacerbates anxiety, as individuals become acutely aware of the impermanence of their happiness and the inevitability of future suffering.

Strongly influenced by Eastern philosophies and Stoicism, Schopenhauer's solution to mitigating anxiety involved a form of philosophical asceticism. He suggested that by denying the will—renouncing desires and attachments—we could achieve a state of inner tranquility. This ascetic approach involves turning away from the world of appearances and the relentless pursuit of desires, thereby reducing the grip of the will on our consciousness.

Schopenhauer saw this as a path to a more serene and contented existence, free from the constant turmoil of unfulfilled desires. By recognizing and addressing this intrinsic aspect of the human condition, he believed we could find a way to alleviate the existential anxiety that pervades our lives.

My way or no way

What these thinkers were suggesting was that anxiety arises from an attempt to control life and the world around us. The more we want things to go our way, the more anxious we feel about the future. The more we care, the more anxious we are.

If I'm getting anxious before a presentation, it's because I am afraid of the possibility that my performance won't be up to par. Paradoxically, if I get too anxious, I won't be able to do my best, and my worst nightmare may come true.

Instead of popping a benzo to mask the jitters, a better long-term strategy is to adjust my expectations and attachment to a certain result that I’ve convinced myself I must present.

If I let go of the need to be perfect or even to conform to certain expectations, the anxiety will melt away. If I don't care about the outcome, I just don't feel anxious about it because there's nothing to be anxious about.

The same is true regarding our possessions and even relationships. The fear of losing the things we have fosters anxiety as we ruminate about all the "what if's."

By becoming less attached to outcomes, things, and even people, we can reduce the bulk of the anxiety we feel. This doesn't mean becoming aloof or uninterested, but rather less concerned about having things our way.

You can handle it

A big part of fear, and anxiety itself, is the idea that if something happens, we won't be able to handle it. Most of the time, we don't fear the thing itself that may happen, but our own inability to deal with the situation.

What if I forget what I have to say during my presentation?

The anxiety comes from believing that if I do forget what to say, there's going to be a terrible silence, people are going to judge me negatively, and I'm going to be standing there like an idiot with nothing to say.

But what if I let go of the fear of blacking out?

How? By changing the narrative about what happens if I do black out.

I may work on convincing myself that blacking out is not a big deal because if it happens, I'll let the audience know about it, and we'll all have a good laugh. While people are laughing, I'll take a look at my notes and recover.

If this is such a big fear, I may study different strategies to overcome a blackout and be sure that if it happens, I'll know several ways to handle it, but I will handle it.

It is the certainty that whatever happens, we can handle it that gives us the confidence that replaces anxiety.

Whatever the future throws at us, we can handle it.

If we associate this confidence with the ability to let go of a "preferred version of the future," we can greatly reduce our anxiety without relying on medication.

Quieting the mind

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the current moment, aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. It involves paying close attention to what is happening right now rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

By cultivating mindfulness, individuals can enhance their emotional regulation, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being. This practice often includes techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindful observation of daily activities, helping to foster a deeper connection with oneself and the world around.

Incorporating mindfulness and presence into daily life can be a transformative practice in dealing with anxiety. By grounding ourselves in the present moment, we can break free from the relentless cycle of worry about the future or regret about the past. This shift in focus helps to diminish the hold of anxiety, allowing us to experience life more fully and authentically.

Furthermore, embracing a holistic view of well-being that includes acceptance of a wide range of emotions can lead to a healthier relationship with anxiety. This approach acknowledges that discomfort and uncertainty are inherent parts of the human condition, and learning to navigate them with grace and resilience can enhance our overall quality of life.

Rather than striving for an unrealistic state of perpetual calm, we should aim to understand and integrate our anxiety as a valuable part of our emotional repertoire. By doing so, we can cultivate a deeper sense of freedom, embracing life in its entirety, beyond the constraints of limiting fear.

WORD OF CAUTION: Do not stop medication!

Of course, medication is needed in many situations where the individual is experiencing extreme distress and dysfunction. It's not my goal here to dissuade people who actually need treatment. However, even those who require medication at the moment can start working on the underlying causes of anxiety by questioning the reasons and mechanisms that fuel this condition and eventually be able to manage life without drugs.